35 Reasons Why I Love Her

I love my mother. I love Raeann.

1. I love her because she is determined.
2. I love her because she is free spirited.
3. She is caring
4. Her heart is so big she tries to fit the whole world into it and then some.
5. I love Raeann’s quirks.
6. Her random jokes.
7. Her laugh.
8. Her smile.
9. The twinkle in her eye when she gets excited about a plan or thought she’s had.
10. I love that she gets excited for my excitement.
11. I love her for her love of animals.
12. For her love of others.
13. For her desire to do what is right.
14. For her ability to try, again and again.
15. I love that when she fails, she seeks more ways to improve.
16. Because she strives.
17. I love her because she looks forward to the future.
18. Because she sings out loud, very loud, people tell her she’s got the wrong lyrics or her pitch is off in criticism, she keeps singing.
19. I love Raeann because when someone tells her no, she says yes.
20. When something stops her, she finds a way to keep going.
21. I love her because when I push her away, she hugs tighter.
22. I love her because she is interested in my life.
23. I love her because at 23, she adopted me when I was 9.
24. I love her because she pushes me. Because she is strong willed.
25. She puts her foot down and holds true to her beliefs.
26. I love that we don’t see eye to eye.
27. I love how she is stubborn. I love that she seeks God’s will. I love her because she is a treasure.
28. That she is a daughter of the Lord.
29. I love her because she is my sister in Christ.
30. I love that she seeks absolute truths.
31. I love that she has strong opinions.
32. I love that she pushes herself.
33. That she fails.
34. That she’s not perfect.
35. I love that she is broken.

 Most of all I love that it’s not my job to fix her.

          35 Reasons and more why I love Raeann. She yells. I yell. But that is how God made her, strong willed. My mother is broken and I love that. Because it shows more room for God’s grace. I trust that He is sovereign. I trust that this too is a story of redemption. That she first sins against God and participates in treason to Him (as we all do). I love her because God loves her. I love her because she is what my pastor calls; she is a glorious ruin (as we all are). There are the glorious bits, the portions that God created and remained good. Then there are the bits broken by sin caused by the fall. And I love both portions. I love that we fight. When hot tears run down our face out of anger because it shows that neither of us have given up. That we’re fighting for something important. I love that she is sealed by Christ’s work and we both may rest in that. 

          I trust that God is active. That he is working. And I love my broken mother because she is treasured by the most supernatural, all powerful, creator of the universe; every star, atom, blood cell, black hole, child, plant, microchip, creator of everything, loving being: God. He created her. And he loves her, and gives her grace to her AND ME. So I love her. I love her to bits. And He forgives her daily, hourly, every second. So I forgive her. And I love her.

          Back story: Last Christmas things escalated rather quickly between my mother and I. The relationship has been very strained over the years and the string broke. Since then, I have moved out and have not had an actual healthy engaging conversation with her for a year now. And as it is the holiday season, I’ve seen her for an extended period of time and things got out of hand once again. 

          But since that year, God has given me wisdom. So tonight, in my journal, I wrote the above. I don’t know why. But when she left for work and my family went to sleep I went to the guest bedroom in my grandmother’s house that I’m staying in. And there are three pictures of my mother as a child. And I remembered how God sees her. How she is His child, whom He loves. So instead of thinking and feeling upset and wanting to fix the situation in my controlling personality; I sat down and listed why I love this woman. Why despite whatever she says or what I say. I love her.