This is lengthy -- prepare for some reading.
7.26.13
1 - A little over a year ago, I was in a strictly sexual based relationship. I
was not married to him. We did not call one another our significant other. I’d
simply come over to his place a few days out of the week for bluntly, a good
time.
2 - I’ve been married for about 20 years which ended in an awful
divorce. I loved my wife, but I found her in the bed with another, specifically
my co-worker.
3 - Yes, I am an adult. Legally, that is. My birthday was
about 3 months ago. How did I celebrate it you ask? I took a night off from
work. Which was nice because I didn’t feel like getting screwed over.
Literally, so you see my line of work is the streets. Prostitution is common in
these parts.
Your response to these stories are common and varied. However,
it’s easy to have some stereotypes rooted with them. How about we give some
context to the stories above.
1 – Prior to my relationship with him, I had been sexually
assaulted and he was there to comfort me. He told me that I shouldn’t be
treated that way. I trusted him. And a few weeks before our relationship began,
I lost 3 of my friends, 19 and 21 of age to the grips of death. I just wanted
to run and find solace. This comfort was not right, yet I felt wanted and desired.
2 – I neglected her. All the time. When my wife talked, I
hardly listened. When I grew upset, I took my anger out on her whether it was
verbal or physical I ensured she knew I was in charge.
3 – I was raped when I was 16 and gave birth to my child. My
parents soon disowned me at my “mistake” once they knew I was pregnant. Without
any help from anyone, I needed to help myself and my daughter. This is the best
source of income I currently have as it’s hard to get hired without any
experience as a young adult.
Context helps. And being able to view the above cases as
people rather than behavioral issues allows our hearts to be softened and see
the broken state that these people are in. To view them not as mistakes but
those who have deep needs. Those who have been wounded by people in their life
and their aim to make the best of the situation.
Only 20% of people that do not claim to follow Christ
(outsiders) believe that Christians are accepting, and love unconditionally. So
there’s the 80% who see Christians as judgmental.
Judgment: (n) a formal utterance of an authoritative
opinion. To be judgmental is to point out something that is wrong in someone
else’s life, making the person feel put down, excluded or marginalized. Being
judgmental is fueled by self-righteousness, the misguided inner motivation to
make our own life look better by comparing it to the lives of others.
Chapter 8 presents the way that Christian indeed make others
outside the church feel uncomfortable and judged. That this perception is in
the top 3 words others described Christians.
The following are errors in our judgment:
Wrong verdict.
Christians reach the wrong verdict, typically because of our own biases,
assumptions, or stereotypes about others. We simply place a label based on the
wrong thing. We lack information about an individual’s story, about their
background and are quick to label them.
Wrong timing.
Sometimes we do come to the right verdict but speak before we should. We must
ask ourselves about the person we’re seeking to help and if voicing something
could potentially harm the person.
Wrong motivation.
If our primary fixation is on the sin, it is virtually impossible to
demonstrate love to an individual. Think of it: many outsiders, the broken
people who need Jesus most, picture Christians as haters. We should seek people
as people, desiring a relationship and pray that God uses us in their life the
way that he intends us too.
Playing favorites. (Jms
2:1) “My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism.”
Clear cut and dry. We are not to, to anyone. If we show more attention to the
ones who have “more potential” in following Christ, I honestly believe you’re
insulting Christ’s power and His ability to restore. Christ sought out the low
and broken. Everyone has “more potential” when you trust in the God who is all
powerful. Who holds the earths land and waters in his hands. Who created life
with the breath of a word.
Stereotypes are undoubtly in our culture. From how we get
hired for jobs to who we decided to approach at a party. But they kill
relationships and undermine other people’s trust in you and in God. As
Christians, we need to remind ourselves what the Bible states. That clearly God
is judge. It is not our job and he does is perfectly, impartially while
exposing true motives and transforming people’s hearts. He cares more about the
soul rather than the behavior. Romans 2 displays that it’s God’s kindness that
leads towards repentance. Not our harsh words and undermining thoughts.
When the author interviewed those outside of faith, there
were cases where they felt accepted. They felt respected and loved:
1. Listened to. We need to talk less and listen better. I do this often in conversations.
I’m “listening” but really just hearing the words with an agenda waiting until
I can say the right phrase or give my opinion.
2. Don’t label. Putting people in boxes can be offensive. This dehumanizes them
and places them into a category without getting to know them.
3. Don’t be smart. Outsiders don’t like when Christians pretend to have all the
answers. Sometimes they’re not looking for answers, just someone to talk to (back
to #1).
4. Put yourself in my place. Again, they are people. Not an object with do’s
and don’ts. They are people, with individual experiences and hardships they’ve
experienced that allow us to appreciate them and understand our choices. (No,
this does not justify it, sin is sin, but it allows us to love them well and
focus on their heart)
5. Be genuine. Outsiders can respect that Christians have a strong faith and
it’ll come up in conversations. However, they can tell when it is being forced.
It’s easy to tell the difference when topics come up naturally and the times in
which they are injected and the idea is continuously force. Pray that God uses
you and the Spirit guides you rather than having an agenda to say certain words
or phrases to coin them into something.
6. Being their friend without any other motives. I can relate to this. There
was a time where I didn’t claim to follow Christ. And I felt as if all my
Christians friends wanted to find ways to bring me to church. Or they would enter
into a conversation regarding my decision and question my motives. Friendship
ought to be real based on genuine interests between to people rather than an
effort or scheme to persuade them into church someday.
The opposite of sin is grace. Not virtue. The only
difference between Christians and those who have not claimed to follow Christ
is Christ’s work. Christians are different from God’s outpouring and heart
transformation. We did nothing, so we do not have moral superiority above
others. Understanding the Gospel in a clearer way, and digging into that truth
daily allows you to celebrate His love. Celebrate His work, and love others in
the way Christ loves you. Which in turn allows you to look at people who are
lost, see the brokenness which is also mirrored inside you, but rejoice in how
God can restore them.
