35 Reasons Why I Love Her

I love my mother. I love Raeann.

1. I love her because she is determined.
2. I love her because she is free spirited.
3. She is caring
4. Her heart is so big she tries to fit the whole world into it and then some.
5. I love Raeann’s quirks.
6. Her random jokes.
7. Her laugh.
8. Her smile.
9. The twinkle in her eye when she gets excited about a plan or thought she’s had.
10. I love that she gets excited for my excitement.
11. I love her for her love of animals.
12. For her love of others.
13. For her desire to do what is right.
14. For her ability to try, again and again.
15. I love that when she fails, she seeks more ways to improve.
16. Because she strives.
17. I love her because she looks forward to the future.
18. Because she sings out loud, very loud, people tell her she’s got the wrong lyrics or her pitch is off in criticism, she keeps singing.
19. I love Raeann because when someone tells her no, she says yes.
20. When something stops her, she finds a way to keep going.
21. I love her because when I push her away, she hugs tighter.
22. I love her because she is interested in my life.
23. I love her because at 23, she adopted me when I was 9.
24. I love her because she pushes me. Because she is strong willed.
25. She puts her foot down and holds true to her beliefs.
26. I love that we don’t see eye to eye.
27. I love how she is stubborn. I love that she seeks God’s will. I love her because she is a treasure.
28. That she is a daughter of the Lord.
29. I love her because she is my sister in Christ.
30. I love that she seeks absolute truths.
31. I love that she has strong opinions.
32. I love that she pushes herself.
33. That she fails.
34. That she’s not perfect.
35. I love that she is broken.

 Most of all I love that it’s not my job to fix her.

          35 Reasons and more why I love Raeann. She yells. I yell. But that is how God made her, strong willed. My mother is broken and I love that. Because it shows more room for God’s grace. I trust that He is sovereign. I trust that this too is a story of redemption. That she first sins against God and participates in treason to Him (as we all do). I love her because God loves her. I love her because she is what my pastor calls; she is a glorious ruin (as we all are). There are the glorious bits, the portions that God created and remained good. Then there are the bits broken by sin caused by the fall. And I love both portions. I love that we fight. When hot tears run down our face out of anger because it shows that neither of us have given up. That we’re fighting for something important. I love that she is sealed by Christ’s work and we both may rest in that. 

          I trust that God is active. That he is working. And I love my broken mother because she is treasured by the most supernatural, all powerful, creator of the universe; every star, atom, blood cell, black hole, child, plant, microchip, creator of everything, loving being: God. He created her. And he loves her, and gives her grace to her AND ME. So I love her. I love her to bits. And He forgives her daily, hourly, every second. So I forgive her. And I love her.

          Back story: Last Christmas things escalated rather quickly between my mother and I. The relationship has been very strained over the years and the string broke. Since then, I have moved out and have not had an actual healthy engaging conversation with her for a year now. And as it is the holiday season, I’ve seen her for an extended period of time and things got out of hand once again. 

          But since that year, God has given me wisdom. So tonight, in my journal, I wrote the above. I don’t know why. But when she left for work and my family went to sleep I went to the guest bedroom in my grandmother’s house that I’m staying in. And there are three pictures of my mother as a child. And I remembered how God sees her. How she is His child, whom He loves. So instead of thinking and feeling upset and wanting to fix the situation in my controlling personality; I sat down and listed why I love this woman. Why despite whatever she says or what I say. I love her.

Don't Be Friends With Sinners

          This isn’t easy. It sounds like it. But living out this realization is much more complex.

          A few weeks back a friend of mine pointed out the following during a conversation and it has since convicted my heart. “We sin against The Lord first.” And this article, well, it’s good. There is no ladder, there is no difference. You and I are the same. Your sin last night is equal to the sin I have right now in my heart. The Lord sees the broken and invites them to a new life in which we are all loved, known, and righteous by His work. 

          A separate conversation today at lunch held a similar topic. How being in a relationship with someone first is important. Throwing words and scripture at someone continuously and praying it sticks isn’t very effective most of the time. And my friend made another great point that this article speaks of. He said, “We are on the same playing field. God did that. He came to the Earth for goodness sake to be equal with us.” Truth. Jesus became human. He took on flesh and then all our sins that were, that are, and that will be. He took them. Every last action and thought. He took them and he was killed so that we may be blessed and invited into a relationship with God.

          So I found this, and wanted to share. I don’t want to add to it because I think it does a simple job of stating the facts. And I’ve already discussed in previous posts with the book unChristian about the complexity of relationships. How crucial they are. They can be laborious, but the reward outweighs the “sacrifice” in my opinion.

http://redemptionpictures.com/2013/08/22/friend-of-sinners/

The End to the Cycle

9.16.13

This will be sporadic bits of a conversation with my roommates. I’m writing excerpts of my favorite pieces that really give a perspective we too easily forget. The conversation originated from hopefully planning a bonfire at my house.

We went from planning a bonfire to discussing friends, to general relationships, and to be honest, boys. We’re girls though! Which led to some of our friends relationships that have recently fallen for reasons that don’t seem fair after such long term commitments. On and on we turned our words, and landed on feeling inadequate. The undeserving feeling that lies within our hearts and minds certain days. Is it just me, or does anyone else have that lacking feeling, and therefore undeserving?

(Opinions forthcoming that you may disagree with….)

The truth is that we are. We deserve death. The very worst. The crime? The sinful lives that we live. But we have the ability to deserve things not of our own work, but the Lord’s. Which is beautiful and mysterious and gracious. It’s easy to determine how bad of a person we are. Rank ourselves on a scale and distribute what we deserve and what we don’t.
No, I haven’t killed anyone…+30 points. Went out to get drunk with those friends, -10 points. No, I haven’t cheated on my significant other, so I’m definitely on the right track, +15 points. So on and so forth. The problem arises in who you are comparing yourself to? And that actions matter, but so do thoughts. God sees those thoughts, the composition of our hearts. He compared that to perfection. On that scale, we fail. No points.

The topic also arose as to who is better, or the elite? Obviously the God centered relationships and marriages that last have some reason. They must be better Christians. They must spend more time praying, reading the word, submitting, leading. The list could go on. Put simply: those people are better Christians; therefore, they received more. So the Christians, whose relationships failed, must be lacking in some way; therefore, they received less. It makes sense. For humans. But this flow chart is wrong, oh so wrong. No one is better or best. We are simply all the worst. When you compare our lives to what should be compared to; Christ, the difference is alarming.

Another point that is humorous but very real is how quickly our hearts fall. My roommate felt that I obviously had a grasp of the Gopsel. Being able to articulate my words well and provide answers that seemed solid. So I must be doing pretty swell in my relationship with God. It’s funny how quickly we compare things. Finding similarities and differences. I explained how wrong she was.

My day entails so much. Early mornings and late nights. Working more than one job while being a full time student. Battling studies. Realizing that I have maybe opened my Bible six or seven times in the four weeks since school has started. How easily I forget the Lord. That he doesn’t cross my mind some days. It’s frustrating really, but some days I’m too tired to care honestly. So no, my relationship isn’t “up to par”. But the Lord is forgiving and gracious. And he longs for my return. And in seeing my sin, I should confess and repent and rush back into His arms of comfort.

Wow. Chanté is great at revealing her sin. Seeing the problems, being authentic, honest, and transparent. Perhaps, but there’s potential pride. Having the thought that I’m better than the person sitting next to me because I have these features that somehow allow me more grace than them. To harsh, or just truth? Or more of a winding path of pride? It’s scary to think how easily our minds wrap us around to think incorrectly. To forget the work that God has done. To forget why Christ has died. Forgetting the sin that is destructive. Forgetting our need for Christ’s sacrifice to begin with. Forgetting that we are human, bounded by time, resources, need, etc. And perfection is unattainable. But God works things in our life to push us forward, so that we may have progress.
The final point we came upon is this: there’s a reason the Gospel has no end. There is no end to our sin. Each day, there is doubt in the Lord. There is lacking faith. There is envy and pride. There is discomfort. We replace Him with things of this earth for satisfaction. The vicious cycle of our deceptive hearts is tiring, but the limitless power of the Gospel can renew us daily (and is meant to). There is no end to that good news, to the love of God. And that my friends, ends the cycle.

unChristian to Christian

8.11.13

          What type of people surrounds your daily life? The waiter and waitress at the restaurant on your evenings out? The professor who instructs you during your lecture? The barista who knows precisely how to make your perfect latte or cappuccino? How about those people under the tents at the farmers market? Or the farmers themselves if you live in a small town? There are hundreds of people you interact with despite ever really having a conversation with them. So I propose a question: Who is attending their deep spiritual need for a loving God who frees them from sin and restores their life to what they are called to be in His will?

          The past eight chapters present the research of how Christianity is viewed from the outside. And it’s not very pretty. And the answer that may come to the mind of Christians seems real and practical. Easy even. But most of the time it is not. Applying and living things out is much more difficult than speaking about how to do something. Christians may think the answer to the perception of being viewed as unChrisitan is simply for outsiders to better understand our faith. But that’s not true. There’s an image problem for a reason. Because Christians aren’t representing Christ. Christ followers need to become more faithful to a God who has redeemed them and understanding His immeasurable power.

          As Christians we like to think that our efforts are driven by the right motives. That we pursue God for more of God’s love and His will and purpose. But what if our spiritual efforts are focused on maintaining equilibrium rather than addressing the significant spiritual needs of others? What if we aren’t being that Christian? Well, why are you seeking to be a certain type of person, or working towards a goal of being the perfect, selfless person? Your work is futile in comparison to Gods work. We too need the Lord as much as the outsiders. Upon close examination, my spirituality is self-oriented, and yours too. We all have a selfish heart. So expecting different from outsiders is wrong. We want outsiders to have some sort of moral code upon talking to them. And if they don’t we push further away out of fear. To rebuild our lives and restore the nations, we have to recover the love, concern, and acceptance of others.

          Jesus is becoming harder and harder to see for outsiders in the efforts and language of Christians. They are learning to disregard Christians largely due to the negative impact that has happened from the Christians they do know. The unChristian perception is real and this book presents the research. This should convict, not condemn. The book reveals the problems that are at hand. However, there is a God who is ahead of this. A God who is working in the mistakes that we make in the interactions of outsiders. And he is active and working to restore all things. We have the opportunity to be used in that plan as Christians. We should be encouraged and moved to also take action. In prayer for those in our daily life, for our own walk with God, in better understanding the Gospel and how it applies. To pray for the Spirit to lead, and to be bold enough in the Gospel to take risks. To take action in all areas of our spiritual walk so that we as Christians have the tools to present Christ to outsiders and find relationships with them so they can hear the truth and desire a loving God. Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. But God is graceful and transformation happens.

unChristian.8

This is lengthy -- prepare for some reading.

7.26.13

1 - A little over a year ago, I was in a strictly sexual based relationship. I was not married to him. We did not call one another our significant other. I’d simply come over to his place a few days out of the week for bluntly, a good time.

2 - I’ve been married for about 20 years which ended in an awful divorce. I loved my wife, but I found her in the bed with another, specifically my co-worker.

3 - Yes, I am an adult. Legally, that is. My birthday was about 3 months ago. How did I celebrate it you ask? I took a night off from work. Which was nice because I didn’t feel like getting screwed over. Literally, so you see my line of work is the streets. Prostitution is common in these parts.

Your response to these stories are common and varied. However, it’s easy to have some stereotypes rooted with them. How about we give some context to the stories above.

1 – Prior to my relationship with him, I had been sexually assaulted and he was there to comfort me. He told me that I shouldn’t be treated that way. I trusted him. And a few weeks before our relationship began, I lost 3 of my friends, 19 and 21 of age to the grips of death. I just wanted to run and find solace. This comfort was not right, yet I felt wanted and desired.

2 – I neglected her. All the time. When my wife talked, I hardly listened. When I grew upset, I took my anger out on her whether it was verbal or physical I ensured she knew I was in charge.

3 – I was raped when I was 16 and gave birth to my child. My parents soon disowned me at my “mistake” once they knew I was pregnant. Without any help from anyone, I needed to help myself and my daughter. This is the best source of income I currently have as it’s hard to get hired without any experience as a young adult.  

          Context helps. And being able to view the above cases as people rather than behavioral issues allows our hearts to be softened and see the broken state that these people are in. To view them not as mistakes but those who have deep needs. Those who have been wounded by people in their life and their aim to make the best of the situation.

          Only 20% of people that do not claim to follow Christ (outsiders) believe that Christians are accepting, and love unconditionally. So there’s the 80% who see Christians as judgmental.

          Judgment: (n) a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion. To be judgmental is to point out something that is wrong in someone else’s life, making the person feel put down, excluded or marginalized. Being judgmental is fueled by self-righteousness, the misguided inner motivation to make our own life look better by comparing it to the lives of others.

          Chapter 8 presents the way that Christian indeed make others outside the church feel uncomfortable and judged. That this perception is in the top 3 words others described Christians.
The following are errors in our judgment:

Wrong verdict. Christians reach the wrong verdict, typically because of our own biases, assumptions, or stereotypes about others. We simply place a label based on the wrong thing. We lack information about an individual’s story, about their background and are quick to label them.

Wrong timing. Sometimes we do come to the right verdict but speak before we should. We must ask ourselves about the person we’re seeking to help and if voicing something could potentially harm the person.

Wrong motivation. If our primary fixation is on the sin, it is virtually impossible to demonstrate love to an individual. Think of it: many outsiders, the broken people who need Jesus most, picture Christians as haters. We should seek people as people, desiring a relationship and pray that God uses us in their life the way that he intends us too.

Playing favorites. (Jms 2:1) “My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism.” Clear cut and dry. We are not to, to anyone. If we show more attention to the ones who have “more potential” in following Christ, I honestly believe you’re insulting Christ’s power and His ability to restore. Christ sought out the low and broken. Everyone has “more potential” when you trust in the God who is all powerful. Who holds the earths land and waters in his hands. Who created life with the breath of a word.

          Stereotypes are undoubtly in our culture. From how we get hired for jobs to who we decided to approach at a party. But they kill relationships and undermine other people’s trust in you and in God. As Christians, we need to remind ourselves what the Bible states. That clearly God is judge. It is not our job and he does is perfectly, impartially while exposing true motives and transforming people’s hearts. He cares more about the soul rather than the behavior. Romans 2 displays that it’s God’s kindness that leads towards repentance. Not our harsh words and undermining thoughts.

          When the author interviewed those outside of faith, there were cases where they felt accepted. They felt respected and loved:
1. Listened to. We need to talk less and listen better. I do this often in conversations. I’m “listening” but really just hearing the words with an agenda waiting until I can say the right phrase or give my opinion.
2. Don’t label. Putting people in boxes can be offensive. This dehumanizes them and places them into a category without getting to know them.
3. Don’t be smart. Outsiders don’t like when Christians pretend to have all the answers. Sometimes they’re not looking for answers, just someone to talk to (back to #1).
4. Put yourself in my place. Again, they are people. Not an object with do’s and don’ts. They are people, with individual experiences and hardships they’ve experienced that allow us to appreciate them and understand our choices. (No, this does not justify it, sin is sin, but it allows us to love them well and focus on their heart)
5. Be genuine. Outsiders can respect that Christians have a strong faith and it’ll come up in conversations. However, they can tell when it is being forced. It’s easy to tell the difference when topics come up naturally and the times in which they are injected and the idea is continuously force. Pray that God uses you and the Spirit guides you rather than having an agenda to say certain words or phrases to coin them into something.
6. Being their friend without any other motives. I can relate to this. There was a time where I didn’t claim to follow Christ. And I felt as if all my Christians friends wanted to find ways to bring me to church. Or they would enter into a conversation regarding my decision and question my motives. Friendship ought to be real based on genuine interests between to people rather than an effort or scheme to persuade them into church someday.

          The opposite of sin is grace. Not virtue. The only difference between Christians and those who have not claimed to follow Christ is Christ’s work. Christians are different from God’s outpouring and heart transformation. We did nothing, so we do not have moral superiority above others. Understanding the Gospel in a clearer way, and digging into that truth daily allows you to celebrate His love. Celebrate His work, and love others in the way Christ loves you. Which in turn allows you to look at people who are lost, see the brokenness which is also mirrored inside you, but rejoice in how God can restore them.