Stumbling

1.29.12

The minutes tick on and on.
And not one goes by where you are not on my mind.

I continue to live a life filled with mistakes.
To stumble to the ground and give into the pressure.
My words are filled with disregard and I react without thought.
I sin repeatedly.

But right there, is the marvelous beauty I will never understand.
I am unworthy, and deserve the very worst.
I long for the blade to split.
The bottle to my mouth; lungs filled with sweet smoke.
Manipulating the minds around me gaining my own glory.

You give me pure desires and intentions that are not my own.
Your blood washes over me with amazing comfort.
Then I realize why the conflict is always here.
My flesh will always be looking.  

Seeking out comfort from all resources. 
Trying to fill the void..ends in heartache and sin.

But you, oh how you continue to show me that grace of yours.
To hinder my thoughts and redirect them.
Tears fall down my face as I have no words.
I’m in the realization that I am saved with amazing grace.
Made alive as I was once dead. Christ has given me a purpose,
one that may be unclear but he prepares the way.