6.12.12
Life sucks, it's full of shit. People die when they haven't lived yet.
Relationships end and significant others get hurt in their wake.
They steal and destroy.
They cheat and lie.
It. Just. Gets. Emptied.
That's how I feel all the time. I've been beaten down by those I entrusted to keep me safe. To bring joy into my life. This isn’t fair to people at all to think that way. I've failed my friends and family before. We're human! We are going to mess up, forget, be late, and not answer that important phone call by accident. We will disappoint those around us.
Anyhoo... I've been hurt, again and again; and multiple times more when I thought it couldn't get any worse. But tonight, I talked to a coworker. A friend. She told me a bit of her story. How things are falling apart in a relationship. I felt her pain. Felt the anger and resentment in her heart towards this man. But she shined ever so bright. She spoke true wisdom in my life that I know can only come from Him. The same words that have been spoken to me recently by a wise women. Twice now, so I’d say it’s starting to sink in.
She said a lot of good things that I will most likely paraphrase:
That He is good and EVERYTHING we have is a blessing. Every moment that we experience; whether it's raining on our day, our wallet gets stolen, we make a wrong turn and get lost--those are all hidden blessings. I've learned over the past year that we are wretched selfish human beings. But He loves us so much that he extends the very best for us as His children. So everything we are given is a gift, a blessing.
Why? Who freaking knows? We may never understand it. Why? Because we are human and we see the very near future.
Which is about five seconds. We do not see what will come in the next hour, the next month, or when we walk around the corner in the next 5 minutes. We will never see the bigger picture because what we focus on is the past and the present. Life is crazy and confusing. We have this line of time that we continue to walk on but God doesn't work with that line. He is out of time and his line is eternal. Stretching on forever.
That God is good. Regardless of how our life is, He is continuing to provide for us. Again, in the very end, our life will be fulfilled and complete. He is being a loving father; giving us choices and free will, but also trying to discipline us so that we have the chance to learn. To prosper into a life complete.
I know that I have been focusing on my life's past and present. That I want to find happiness and heal from the wounds that have been inflicted on me. But after talking with her, my friend and the other wise women, I see that there is so much more. The hope glowing through her from Him when I would want to give up from the pain in her circumstance was extremely encouraging. Trying your best to look at what stands ahead. That the bigger picture is a beautiful one. Filled with a happily ever after and so many bright painted colors (sorry, artist coming out of my personality)
My story isn’t over. I’ve been trying to write it, and I still am. Most likely I will continue to write how my life should go and events should happen. It’s my flawed nature. But I have hope that pain isn’t always going to be the majority of my life. That I can find something else. That there is a bigger picture, and it’s out of my control. It’s big and beautiful, terrifying and breathtaking. Invigoratingly so, it’s a picture that I can’t see. Which leaves me uneasy, but comfort is only temporary.
Life sucks, it's full of shit. People die when they haven't lived yet.
Relationships end and significant others get hurt in their wake.
They steal and destroy.
They cheat and lie.
It. Just. Gets. Emptied.
That's how I feel all the time. I've been beaten down by those I entrusted to keep me safe. To bring joy into my life. This isn’t fair to people at all to think that way. I've failed my friends and family before. We're human! We are going to mess up, forget, be late, and not answer that important phone call by accident. We will disappoint those around us.
Anyhoo... I've been hurt, again and again; and multiple times more when I thought it couldn't get any worse. But tonight, I talked to a coworker. A friend. She told me a bit of her story. How things are falling apart in a relationship. I felt her pain. Felt the anger and resentment in her heart towards this man. But she shined ever so bright. She spoke true wisdom in my life that I know can only come from Him. The same words that have been spoken to me recently by a wise women. Twice now, so I’d say it’s starting to sink in.
She said a lot of good things that I will most likely paraphrase:
That He is good and EVERYTHING we have is a blessing. Every moment that we experience; whether it's raining on our day, our wallet gets stolen, we make a wrong turn and get lost--those are all hidden blessings. I've learned over the past year that we are wretched selfish human beings. But He loves us so much that he extends the very best for us as His children. So everything we are given is a gift, a blessing.
Why? Who freaking knows? We may never understand it. Why? Because we are human and we see the very near future.
Which is about five seconds. We do not see what will come in the next hour, the next month, or when we walk around the corner in the next 5 minutes. We will never see the bigger picture because what we focus on is the past and the present. Life is crazy and confusing. We have this line of time that we continue to walk on but God doesn't work with that line. He is out of time and his line is eternal. Stretching on forever.
That God is good. Regardless of how our life is, He is continuing to provide for us. Again, in the very end, our life will be fulfilled and complete. He is being a loving father; giving us choices and free will, but also trying to discipline us so that we have the chance to learn. To prosper into a life complete.
I know that I have been focusing on my life's past and present. That I want to find happiness and heal from the wounds that have been inflicted on me. But after talking with her, my friend and the other wise women, I see that there is so much more. The hope glowing through her from Him when I would want to give up from the pain in her circumstance was extremely encouraging. Trying your best to look at what stands ahead. That the bigger picture is a beautiful one. Filled with a happily ever after and so many bright painted colors (sorry, artist coming out of my personality)
My story isn’t over. I’ve been trying to write it, and I still am. Most likely I will continue to write how my life should go and events should happen. It’s my flawed nature. But I have hope that pain isn’t always going to be the majority of my life. That I can find something else. That there is a bigger picture, and it’s out of my control. It’s big and beautiful, terrifying and breathtaking. Invigoratingly so, it’s a picture that I can’t see. Which leaves me uneasy, but comfort is only temporary.
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