Who knows?

6.12.12

The tears are so hot on my face.

A feeling that I will never get used to

no matter how many times I cry in this short life.

I ache, physically but mostly emotionally.

My soul twinges from the destruction that has been dealt in my hand.

No aces for me, I just can’t win.

But I’m not afraid to risk it all.

I’m more than willing to throw in all my chips.

Win or lose, I’m going in with my head held high.

To turn and make decisions that may or may not be worth it in the end.

But life isn’t a game.

There isn’t a strategy that will allow an advantage.

And most certainly you can’t win or lose.

Learning is what I’ve got to do.

I’ve tried to be independent.

Attempted at being a teacher. Someone to lead others.

But what I need is to follow.

To allow the vulnerability to hit my life, bring me to my knees.

The pain, oh I’m used to it.

But I think I’m ready. Ready to accept it.

Accept what I’ve got and move on. Try and trust him, take his hand and follow once again.

To continue on when I can’t see a damn thing.

Doesn’t it sound familiar.

Cliché or not, it’s Faith.

It’s in my mind and written across wrist.

I need to start with that.

I don’t want to be surrounded by the darkness but it may be for the best.

I don’t need to see everything around me to walk.

Perception is already in place, but it’s not unchangeable.

So I’m leaving this shit and looking for happiness.

Lots of places I’ve looked.

Finding easy ways out and permitting the feeling of comfort to make it okay.

But that’s not right.

There may be another set of stairs underneath me,

or a raging river, perhaps the wind is from the depth of the canyon below.

Who fucking knows, but I’m taking that step.