We Pulled the Trigger

12.15.12

       Father, I ask for forgiveness. I ask that the sin in my heart, and in others are washed away.
Have mercy.  

       Recent events leave us with so many questions. Ones that are not easy to answer. Some that may never be answered. We become filled with why’s and hatred.

It is nothing less than a tragedy to hear the news of the school shooting. To read the text on the television, or headlines of articles. I do not want to be comforted. I do not want to be told it is okay, and justice will see the day. I want to be reminded of the reason this is horrific. The reason that each day, we are falling away. To be reminded that we are all broken. That this man was not crazy. That he was probably hurt and angry. Seeking out love in all the wrong ways. That the sin in his heart drove him to see the world in a skewed kaleidoscope. The void that we all have, seeking, searching, satisfaction never found in things of the earth. Anger rests in my heart for there is no justice in this. That those beautiful children will not get the chance to celebrate Christmas. Or hug their parents upon arrival at home.

       But my anger is at the world. It is at myself. It is at sin. I too pulled the trigger. I too committed treason. I’m full of pride and believe I deserve things. I look at the world, demanding the things it owes me. I wish that it wasn’t true, but sin lies in my heart constantly. Which is why I am thankful for a righteous sovereign God. One that is loving when I’m not. One that looks at the world he created to be good and harmonious. But that is fallen. That is seeking such love and acceptance from him. But we got lost on the road, made a wrong turn. A God that views all sin the very same. My lack of grace for others, my decision to make poor choices, is exactly the same as the cheating husband, and the man who sheds blood. God looks at the sin and is repulsed. He cannot stand it. We do not deserve what we have. But we deserve punishment for the act of treason. So why does a God desire us? Why does he love this wretched people? A mystery that I myself get confused about. But what I can say is that His power and love is bigger than anything. That his Son, Jesus, lived a life we were meant to.

       A perfect life that was brutally killed. Smashed upon by the wrath of God meant for us. Every single one of our sins, yours, mine, our parents, our children, our friends, drove Him there. What more could you have asked for? How could you desire more than that display of love?

       I know this doesn’t answer questions, or communicated clearly all my thoughts. But I hope that it stirs a few more questions that can be answered with conversations. And questions that drive you to have a deeper understanding of the world around us. And that it allows us to feel forgiveness for the people held responsible for certain disasters. That we too are broken, that we too make mistakes(physically visible, and not) that are the same.