Today I
started a new book. One Way Love by
Tullian Tchividjian. No idea how to pronounce that last part. I’ve never heard
of the author. I just went to Books-A-Million looking for an encouraging book
for my break and bought it.
I know it’s
encouraging because it’s truthful. And the truth hurts. I write these words in a state of that painful truth.
I’m
offended by the Gospel.
Which isn’t
“uncommon”. In this Christian generation with language that is overused and
lacking meaning, that phrase is common. We hear a lot that the Gospel is
offensive and threatening to society. That it has the ability to hurt people.
But that this powerful message is freeing and brings joy. That it brings hope
to the broken and rest to the weary.
And it
does. I believe that I’ve had a decent concept of what grace means for me for
about a year and a half. I’ve claimed to know Jesus for a while, but I haven’
fully grasped grace. Nor do I now. So this book, the following statements I’ve
circled and commented on whilst journaling:
“Grace is one-way love.”
“Jesus came
to…free us from the obligation to fix, find, and free ourselves…the need to be
right, rewarded, regarded, and respected…and to free us from the tireless effort
to establish, justify, and validate ourselves…”
To which I
agree with. Those are encouraging words. Ones that remind me of the Truth of
God. That I am saved by His works and not mine. That I am freed by Him through
his love and my salvation rests in Him.
Then there were some more:
Then there were some more:
“Grace is
love that has nothing to do with you, the beloved.”
“They [the
Christians in the book of Acts] believed in grace a lot. They just didn’t
believe in grace alone”
“The Gospel
of Jesus Christ announces that because Jesus was strong for you, you’re free to
be weak. Because Jesus won for you, you’re fee to lose. Because Jesus was
Someone, you’re free to be no one. Because Jesus was extraordinary, you’re free
to be ordinary. Because Jesus succeeded for you, you’re free to fail.”
And did my
heart scream panic. I am not ordinary. I work hard in school and my jobs. I did
not lose, but won! And I have only failed in some areas of my life. So my successes
outweigh those failures. The path went on as my pride continued to self-justify
my greatness as Jesus demanded to take away my works and give me rest. Again,
in the Christian culture we hear how freeing grace is. How the work of Christ,
the Gospel allows us to be the honest broken mess that we truly are.
I am the
first one to admit that I am a mess. And thankful that God allows me to be free
from my constant pursuit of perfection and accepts me as the broken sinner I
am. However, in that imperfection I am still picking up the shards of glass
with some gorilla glue with a blue print of my self-salvation project. I do not
believe in grace alone. I believe in grace from God and fill in the blank with my own works. So yeah, I was
deeply offended. And this was only chapter one.
As my
prideful heart screamed, I read on. I wish that I could fill this post with a
few more paragraphs of how the book filled my mind with encouraging words. But
it didn’t. The chapter ended rather quickly. I wish I could say that I came to
my senses and felt a washing of God’s love. But I didn’t. As a Christian, I am
still broken. I am still the sinner. I am still the offender. So my prideful
heart didn’t simply go away when I believed in Christ. This journey is a fight
against my flesh. And in the passing moments, the Spirit is reminding me of who
He is and what He has done. So I am thankful to be offended. To have my flesh
torn and the Truth come in to save me. Because I am ordinary, I am the failure.
I am the daughter who has rebelled and has her own idea of what God is going to
do for me in my life. But He is who He is. And His story is different and so much more than what I could ever write.
So my heart succumbs to the human nature of death in sin, but Christ saves me out
of the pits and calls me righteous. Grace has nothing to do with me, but
everything to do with Him.
