The End to the Cycle

9.16.13

This will be sporadic bits of a conversation with my roommates. I’m writing excerpts of my favorite pieces that really give a perspective we too easily forget. The conversation originated from hopefully planning a bonfire at my house.

We went from planning a bonfire to discussing friends, to general relationships, and to be honest, boys. We’re girls though! Which led to some of our friends relationships that have recently fallen for reasons that don’t seem fair after such long term commitments. On and on we turned our words, and landed on feeling inadequate. The undeserving feeling that lies within our hearts and minds certain days. Is it just me, or does anyone else have that lacking feeling, and therefore undeserving?

(Opinions forthcoming that you may disagree with….)

The truth is that we are. We deserve death. The very worst. The crime? The sinful lives that we live. But we have the ability to deserve things not of our own work, but the Lord’s. Which is beautiful and mysterious and gracious. It’s easy to determine how bad of a person we are. Rank ourselves on a scale and distribute what we deserve and what we don’t.
No, I haven’t killed anyone…+30 points. Went out to get drunk with those friends, -10 points. No, I haven’t cheated on my significant other, so I’m definitely on the right track, +15 points. So on and so forth. The problem arises in who you are comparing yourself to? And that actions matter, but so do thoughts. God sees those thoughts, the composition of our hearts. He compared that to perfection. On that scale, we fail. No points.

The topic also arose as to who is better, or the elite? Obviously the God centered relationships and marriages that last have some reason. They must be better Christians. They must spend more time praying, reading the word, submitting, leading. The list could go on. Put simply: those people are better Christians; therefore, they received more. So the Christians, whose relationships failed, must be lacking in some way; therefore, they received less. It makes sense. For humans. But this flow chart is wrong, oh so wrong. No one is better or best. We are simply all the worst. When you compare our lives to what should be compared to; Christ, the difference is alarming.

Another point that is humorous but very real is how quickly our hearts fall. My roommate felt that I obviously had a grasp of the Gopsel. Being able to articulate my words well and provide answers that seemed solid. So I must be doing pretty swell in my relationship with God. It’s funny how quickly we compare things. Finding similarities and differences. I explained how wrong she was.

My day entails so much. Early mornings and late nights. Working more than one job while being a full time student. Battling studies. Realizing that I have maybe opened my Bible six or seven times in the four weeks since school has started. How easily I forget the Lord. That he doesn’t cross my mind some days. It’s frustrating really, but some days I’m too tired to care honestly. So no, my relationship isn’t “up to par”. But the Lord is forgiving and gracious. And he longs for my return. And in seeing my sin, I should confess and repent and rush back into His arms of comfort.

Wow. Chanté is great at revealing her sin. Seeing the problems, being authentic, honest, and transparent. Perhaps, but there’s potential pride. Having the thought that I’m better than the person sitting next to me because I have these features that somehow allow me more grace than them. To harsh, or just truth? Or more of a winding path of pride? It’s scary to think how easily our minds wrap us around to think incorrectly. To forget the work that God has done. To forget why Christ has died. Forgetting the sin that is destructive. Forgetting our need for Christ’s sacrifice to begin with. Forgetting that we are human, bounded by time, resources, need, etc. And perfection is unattainable. But God works things in our life to push us forward, so that we may have progress.
The final point we came upon is this: there’s a reason the Gospel has no end. There is no end to our sin. Each day, there is doubt in the Lord. There is lacking faith. There is envy and pride. There is discomfort. We replace Him with things of this earth for satisfaction. The vicious cycle of our deceptive hearts is tiring, but the limitless power of the Gospel can renew us daily (and is meant to). There is no end to that good news, to the love of God. And that my friends, ends the cycle.